Reira Akaba (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
gobo_projection) wrote2021-05-05 04:38 am
gobo_projection) wrote2021-05-05 04:38 am
IC INBOX
WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CCC-REDHORSE. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 134.64.202.69 *** CCC-REDHORSE has joined 134.64.202.69 <CCC-REDHORSE> This is Reira Akaba! <CCC-REDHORSE>I'll try to answer you but sometimes I'm busy or sleeping, so I don't think about the message right away. <CCC-REDHORSE>(I might note old stuff down too...) | ||||
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Can Reira really pull out his lost memories...? Are they even still in his mind, or were they erased permanently?
Atem doesn't have that answer. Maybe he could find out.
Maybe that'd be useful to know, for later.
He's still thinking this over when Reira goes on and says, there might be something Mana can do, if something hurts too much.]
I have some coins. I could see what she'll give me, for them -- to make it so that things don't hurt as much. If I could turn off my feelings, so that I couldn't be upset, or angry, no matter what was happening to my body...
[He thinks he prefers that to outright forgetting. Being able to control what he can and can't remember is all well and good, but he'd have to decide after the fact, and it wouldn't stop the damage as it was happening to him. Besides, he might erase something important, or useful later.]
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But um, if you want to try the other thing...Tell me, ok?
[A pause, and she looks aside at the tv.]
...I don't think I picked a good movie for us, anyway. ...Sorry....
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That's okay. Having it on is fine...
[The background noise makes Atem feel like it's less likely anyone else heard them talk about this. It's white noise, it's reassuring in silences. So, the way he says "fine" is less damning-with-faint-praise than it might be in a different tone.]
...have you tried it before? Getting memories back through dreams.
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Mnnh...I've been in dreams before, but I've never tried to get memories out. ...But, I won't know until I try, right?
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If you do it...
...you should practice, first. With something less painful. You should get good at finding normal memories through dreams before you try to find things I've suppressed.
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....Do you think it'll hurt me too much?
Even while in Felfri, nothing came close to the worst I've ever felt... ...and that was a whole warzone, full of pain, anger...hate...
[She frowns.] ...Or...do you think, I could ruin something? Make you remember something you didn't want to remember? [That one feels more likely. It makes more sense, at least.]
cw allusion to medical horror, trauma
I don't want to remember what I blocked out. That's what he wanted. He wanted to hurt me. Forgetting...means he doesn't get everything he wants.
So, until you can make memory-dreams precise enough to help me remember the part after that, without bringing back the -- the rest of the surgery...
...
[His words aren't working right. Let him begin again.]
I think you should start with something less dangerous.
wahs softly
Well. With a serious matter like that- Reira nods, and then nods again.] Mnh- got it..!
Um.
...
...I don't know who to ask to practice on though...
[But she also clearly wants to practice so she can help...]
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Do you know anyone with a lot of good memories...?
[He's not including himself! He has some good memories, but not "a lot." Not proportionally.]
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...not a lotta people think like that here, at least not other monsters. I don't wanna really try anything with a human, in case there's something weird that could be different.
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[He's Trying...]
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...That's definitely not how it works. Mnh. Maybe I should just find someone who thinks they're definitely happy. They probably wouldn't have memories that 'feel' bad at least...
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That might work. Do we know anyone who's happy...?
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...................Oh. Um.
[........................she can't be serious.]
...Well I can't use me...
[Oh no. She's serious.] ...but....if everyone even still feels a little like what they did all over the city before, in Felfri....then. Um. There's not really...
[OH NO]
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....
[ ):
Atem reaches out and takes her hand. It's meant to be a comforting gesture in a truly helpless situation. At least they're friends, even if everybody is unhappy.]
Felfri was worse than here, for a lot of people.
[It's not much, but it's not a lie!]
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...but even if I ask someone who lives here, it might not work the same with monsters...
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I don't know how to ask that without starting a bunch of fights on the network though...and then I'll just have a headache.
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[That's someone who'd be okay, no matter what the memory was.]
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...Huh.] ...Oh.
...She'd probably be really excited to try it too huh...
[Surely that wouldn't backfire!]
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If you get good at it...good enough at separating the memories I want back from the ones that should stay forgotten...
...then, you can try it on me.
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[Reira your standards-
Anyway. She nods, resolute.] Okay. I'll ask if she'll help me practice...and then when I'm ready, I'll tell you!